Gratitude practice - my issues with it, and my alternative: 'little joys' practice

    I’ll bet you’re familiar with the suggestion to keep a gratitude journal.  Or to list 3 things you’re grateful for each day.

    I keep seeing it recommended here and there, still.

    I tried it for several weeks, maybe it was even as much as couple of months (I can’t recall).  I really did try to persevere with it.

    And for me it just didn’t have the desired effect.  Far from being helpful, it was actually potentially harmful.

    The issue I’ve got with it was that I was ‘scratching’ around for things to list.

    So it made me feel that I didn’t have things to be grateful for.

    I do, of course.  But I felt a bit ridiculous writing down things like “Grateful I’ve got a roof over my head”.  Or “I’ve got a significant other”.

    And I felt some weird pressure not to repeat things.  So having written “grateful for my cats” one day, I felt I couldn’t repeat that same thing on another day.  Or I’d be writing the same thing each day for weeks, and what’d be the point in that?

    Also, my brain would do a thing where it’d ‘poke holes’ in its own suggestions for things to write.

    So, while I am indeed grateful I’ve got a roof over my head, another bit of my brain would throw up this sort of thing:  yeah, but it’s filled with mould and other issues & the rent is nevertheless exorbitant!

    Therefore it felt as though I wasn’t doing gratitude practice ‘properly’.  Or that this poking holes business was detracting, potentially making the entire thing more detrimental than helpful.  It was focusing my mind on the negative, rather than the positive.  The exact opposite of what it’s meant to do, I believe?

    And it wasn't that I was going through an especially difficult time when I tried this.  Nor do I feel that it’s because I’m an entirely negative person, or something.  (This is possibly an entire separate post in its own right.)  I can be ‘glass half empty’, definitely; but I can also be ‘glass half full’.

    Having to wrack my brains for something from earlier that day for which to be grateful?  It was uncomfortable, unpleasant even.  And it didn’t seem to be getting any easier as time went on.  It wasn’t a case of practice makes perfect.  Not for me.  In fact, the pressure not to repeat stuff was making it harder as time went on.

    So for me it felt right to stop.

    I’m sure it works for some folk, and is helpful.  And perhaps there’s even a different way of approaching this which might work better for me.  (Recording things as they happen or occur to me might work, if I could do it that way.  Sitting in front of a blank journal page at the end of the day and struggling to write on it does not.)

    I've said this before about goals, and I'll say it again now.  I'm not ashamed of quitting, nor feel it's a failure.  I believe it's that all our minds work differently.  And if I feel something is a chore, without anything constructive to offer me, it makes sense to stop it.  (Sadly, I do have to keep cleaning our home, so I guess I'll focus my energy there instead!)

A minor point to finish on, and a possible alternative to gratitude practice for me (and maybe for you).  This YouTuber, Hannah May, brought it to my attention in one of her series of 'resident sicko' videos (her term, not mine).  I think she calls it 'joy of the day' (timestamp: 21:20).

    I feel joy of the day is something I could really pick up and run with.  It's likely that a little something will catch my attention in a day, and strike me as a little joy.  (I don't necessarily have someone I'll message them to right now like Hannah does, but that doesn't have to deter me from mentally noting these moments.)

All photos from Unsplash

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Fun?

    I was trying to think of a post to write for the letter F.  And the word fun came into my mind.

    As in, what do I do for fun?  And (I don't want to be a moany bitch, but...) I couldn't help thinking about how my chronic ill-health means I don't have the energy or time for much fun in my life.  Just work and housework, it seems like.

    I'm still (yes, STILL!) grieving my former physical good health and the activities I used to be able to do.  (The volunteering, the art exhibitions, the evening classes.  The tai chi, the running, the active social life.  The taking pride in doing my nails every weekend.  And just simply: the being able to get about by myself on the train/bus.)

    And then there's our ableist society which I recently experienced the crappiness of first hand, which was no f'ing fun AT ALL.  But that's a separate post.  (Actually, if you include the medical gaslighting then I've been experiencing this crappiness for about a dozen years or so already, but anyways.)

    Besides, this doesn't mean that I have no pleasure whatsoever.  So thank you if you've read this blog up to this point.  And now, I'll be writing about my leisure activities below.  If nothing else, it'll remind me that I do still have enjoyable things in my life.

Crafting 🧹
    My latest project was a life size besom to hang as a Halloween decoration!  I was so pleased with it -- you could actually use it to sweep a floor!  (Okay, not for long as the bristles are corrugated card, so they'd wear away pretty swiftly.  But technically you could do it!)

Junk journal making

    I've put this in as a separate entry from general crafting, because it's been my latest addiction really.
    One of the really fun parts is coming up with creative ways in which to use the junk to create an appealing journal.  (I'm still very much a beginner, but as I write this I have 2 almost completed journals.)

Live-action role-playing and cosplay
    These (and the swimming) are the last few physically active pastimes that I have, because I've refused to give up the LARP.  I'm clinging onto it, and making adjustments so that I can still keep doing it.    

    (The local LARP system I play at, there's at least one other member who has fybro so the game's now done in such a way that we 2 can bring a folding chair and be seated for much of the event.  It's run by a close friend, so this has been possible without too much embarrassment.  Plus, he -or one of the other members- picks me up from home for the events.  I like it when he brings me, as we very often get a latte on the way, or even a McMuffin.)
    (I'm still wondering about how I can have similar adjustments if I become a member of a cosplay group.  (Work in progress.))

Reading (or, podcasts and audiobooks these days)

    I think I've done previous posts about how Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld series is my comfort read.  I can't generally concentrate or be seated long enough to read much else (with the other exception being Stephen King).  So, I definitely don't read as much as I used to, regrettably.
    I do find podcasts and audiobooks a must have, now.  They're great for something to entertain me while doing chores.  Or if I have to walk somewhere.  Plus I can often learn a little something something while getting stuff done.  (And almost daily these are the only help for my insomnia, too.  The spoken word is the sole thing that seems to help!)

Sitting in the sun or at least somewhere where there's trees

    Might seem like an odd thing to put on this list, but this activity is the single best one for calming my nervous system if it's somewhere quiet.  Besides, I just really enjoy it, especially if it's somewhere in or

close to nature. 

Swimming

    My swimming buddy picks me up from home, usually on a Wednesday evening, and we try & do up to 20 lengths.  Before the pandemic I'd say we used to manage 3 out of every 4 weeks on average.
    Since Covid we've been struggling to get back into it a bit and it's been much more sporadic, but I really do love a swim so I hope we can get back into it.  (I love it even better when he & his wife pick me up for an ocean swim during a summer heatwave, but that's rare.)

TV and films (especially horror) 📽
    My favourite TV show is The Walking Dead and some of my favourite movies are The Skeleton Key, Jennifer's Body and Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark.
    I also enjoy watching The Handmaid's Tale and also things like Dual Survival.  (There's more, but I can't call them to mind right now).  And I wished they hadn't cancelled series such as Constantine and Midnight Texas.

Video games

    Occasionally, I can still find the time at weekends -or when I'm on annual leave form work- to play a video game.  My spouse would love it if we still played MMOs together, but it's rare.  I never did finish playing through the story of Diablo III and that came out back in 2012.  (Which -I realise as I write this- is 10 YEARS AGO!)  Latterly, I've been loving Baldur's Gate III though.  Recommend to fans of the genre.

YouTube
    I've got to be honest and put this on the list.  It's a bit of a guilty pleasure, because it's so easy to go down a Yabbit hole and waste away too much time.
    But over the past couple of years or so it's saved me an awful lot of scratching around for something on TiVo to watch.  And occasionally the algorithm will offer up something new and interesting besides my existing subscriptions.

    To add to the above list, some other rare pleasures are:

Afternoons out where there's trees &/or water (or a stone circle, or a ruined castle)

    These days I can only manage this if one of our friends or a family member brings me in their car.  But it's one of my favourite things to do, especially on a summer day.

Occasional cinema and very occasional theatre trips
    I say theatre, but what I mostly like to see is stand up comedians, when I can afford it.  My most recent cinema viewing was to see Smile (not as good as I'd hoped) and my most recent theatre trip was to see Derren Brown's Showman, as I'm a fan of his.

    My spouse says I really ought to add "being a crazy cat mama" to the above list because, he says, I am one.  And I do admit, I love my pusses to bits & I'll gladly talk to any friendly feline anywhere!  So there you go!  😸😹

All photos from Unsplash, unless otherwise specified in the image title (hover over, on a PC)

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