Creating junk journals

Junk journaling

    I came across the idea of junk journaling on YouTube.  And as an environmentalist it appealed to me.  I can use up items which would otherwise end up in landfill, I thought.
    In short, a junk journal is a journal which you make yourself from, e.g., junk mail and the like.

Inspiration
    After watching numerous of the YouTube videos I determined to create a 'true' junk journal.  I.e. using only things which will otherwise go to landfill.  (Hear me out, here.)

Definition
    What's the distinction, you might be wondering?  Well, lots of the existing creators use items which I don't class as junk.  Items like cardboard packaging, which can actually go in the kerbside recycling.  So to me it's not junk, it's recycling.  And people use 'digitals' (which are graphics you download and print).
    Those, to me, are supplies, not junk.  Same thing applies to scrapbooking papers.  They'd be fine if I were in fact scrapbooking, but this is junk journaling I'm talking about...

Disclaimer!
    I'm not trying to be judgmental.  You want to journal with some cardstock, shop bought scrapbooking papers and digitals?  You do you.  100%.  It's not for me to tell you that you can't.

My goal
    For me, though, I'd really wanted (initially) to focus in on those junk bits that can't currently be recycled.

    For example, although some plastic bags can now be recycled in supermarkets together with carrier bags, for food packaging that's often not the case.  Something to do with how it's made to keep the food fresh (lamination?)

    So I wanted to find a way to use some of that stuff in my journal.  And make it somewhat pretty.  (It's not going to be as pretty as the journals made out of scrapbooking papers etc, of course.  But part of the fun is the challenge of how to pretty it up!)

Broadening my definition
    I since became rather addicted!  And I therefore broadened my definition of what could be included in my journals, to improve the aesthetic of the finished item.
    For example, I really like the look of some corrugated cardboard here and there, in collages etc.  So I made an exception for that even though it could go in the kerbside recycling.

    Also, if I receive -say- a piece of junk mail or packaging which has, say, luggage tag or polaroid photo images on it...  Even though it could be recycled, I can't help myself - I gotta snip those out and use 'em.  (Luggage tags decorated up are a big thing in junk journaling, it transpires.)

Original list of materials
    So, what qualified (in my original definition) as junk for junk journaling?
    In short, it was anything which either can't be recycled (in my locality), or which I wasn't sure could be recycled.

~ Fabric scraps;
~ Gift cards (plastic);
~ Greeting cards (often having foil or glitter);
~ Jiffy bags which don't have recyclable printed on them;
~ Pearlescent paper, e.g. greeting card envelopes;
~ Plasticized, greaseproof and waxed paper & card;
~ Plastic and foil type packaging (decorative);
~ Post-it notes (not sure if they can be recycled because of the sticky);
~ Receipts;
~ Ribbon and string leftover from gifts/packaging;
~ Sticky labels (plastic and papery kinds);
~ Tissue paper;
~ Scraps too small for the recycling (paper and card -- we're told they need to be at least the size of a receipt, else they fall through the machines);
~ Stuff with paint, correction fluid etc on it;

Amended list of materials - aka: exceptions
~ Pretty or interesting paper/card from e.g. packaging, including flower images etc which I can use as focal points;
~ Anything tag shaped (from e.g. packaging - including actual tags from clothing etc);
~ Polaroid photo shaped things (from e.g. junk mail);
~ Paper and other items donated to me by friends etc, when they hear about my junk journaling;
~ Existing crafting materials from my supplies stash. 

What I don't use, for the most part
~ Store bought crafting supplies (other than 1 Distress Oxide ink pad I bought, as I couldn't work out an easy way to get the aged look I liked with other substitutes);
~ Printer paper and notebook pages (unless, perhaps, it's had something spilt on it or something);

    So anyway, this post was kind of just a roundabout way to say that I'd been enjoying the challenge of junk journaling.

Wrapping this hobby up

    I wound up rather too addicted, though, and went from 1 crate of saved up materials to 5 (actually, it's probably 7 crates worth of stuff crammed into 5 crates...).
    We live in a tiny apartment, and I'm therefore not lucky enough to have a craft room.  This unfortunately prevents me from actually indulging in my craft, because I instead spend all my time trying to sort through the stuff.  Or, I find don't know what I've got available/where to lay my hands on it.
    So that's a problem, and I'm potentially working up to giving away my stash, to focus on make-do-and-mend as my craft instead.

    It's been an enjoyable time, though.  I recommend it if you're into papercrafting and fancy something a bit different for a change.

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Cultivating a pagan path (or 'digging around for Druidry...')

    I'm pretty sure I wrote this up -at least in brief- in a thread on a previous iteration of The Cauldron online forum/message board.  So apologies if anyone happens to be reading who's read bits of this before.

The Holly & the Ivy, and an un-nameable yearning

    I was still small -maybe seven or eight- when, one autumn‑winter term in primary school, I learned that so much of the Christmas season -and many Christian traditions generally- were threaded through with older pagan imagery.
    The specific carol The Holly and the Ivy stayed with me most of all, as the subtitle suggests.  I believe the teacher explicitly spoke about the theory of those older pagan images being secreted within the lyrics.  I guess it was my first exposure to the fact of paganism, or really anything that pre-dated Christianity.  And it very much took a hold of something in my subconscious.🦌

    I've had this un-nameable yearning within me -really- ever since.  It was as though something spoke to me, though I couldn't quite connect on a conscious level with what that something was/is.  Still can't quite articulate it now, much to my own dismay.
    I guess, in short, I'd never felt at all connected to Christianity and was intrigued to learn that there was something else out there.  This was well before the internet was a thing, though, so my opportunities to explore were rather limited. 💭

Environmentalism, Greenpeace and the like

    I'm not sure where it came from, but I developed a notion at quite a young age, maybe 10-11, that the human race was destroying the planet when we ought to be protecting it.  I suspect it may have stemmed from learning about the ozone layer hole which we were exacerbating at that time with CFCs and the like.
    This was before the internet was a thing, so the most I could do at that age was start hanging around with the other kids who also doodled the CND symbol on their school bags etc, plus the odd letter writing campaign to electricity companies and the like.  Oh, and boycotting things like aerosols with those CFCs in them etc.
    (As the subtitle suggests, I had an interest in Greenpeace, but actually I wasn't able to connect with other activists back then.) ☮

A connection with nature & the natural world

    I'd always been most at peace in the natural world, as I was lucky enough to grow up in a rural little town where we could be free-range in the meadows and woods.  (Looking back there were risks associated with that which parents nowadays probably wouldn't deem acceptable, but it was a different time and I was lucky.)
    I used to sit in the branches of trees and take the family doggo on long walks.  On at least one occasion I did a litter-pick while I was out and then wrote an outraged letter to the local paper about the littering issue.  My Mum was really proud of me for that. 🐕

    We used to go on family holidays here in the UK and I always insisted that we visit an old ruined castle (to satisfy my interest in that period of history) and/or a stone circle if at all possible.  We also used to go swimming in rivers and lakes, picnicking and walking in hills, on moors and in woodlands.  I can't tell you how many photos I have which all look the same (my photography skills not being up to the task of capturing those environments)!
    At other times I used to volunteer and raise funds for animal charities, and I later explored nature-based paganism, as you might imagine.  More on that in a later paragraph. 🌳

Some alternative interests

    In my early teens I began exploring the library and 2nd hand book shop for interesting topics which -I'd argue- could be seen as pagan adjacent.
    I wasn't really aware that modern paganism was a thing, so I didn't think to look it up specifically.  (And I mainly used to purchase my books from their old, unwanted stock, because I couldn't remember to return library books on time!) 📖

    So I explored things like the I-Ching, dream analysis, palmistry, tarot and astrology.  (Also, rock & heavy metal music, and things like D&D.)  And these were interesting and fun, but nothing really satisfied my craving.
    Regrettably, the first time I did finally come across anything specifically pagan it was actually off-putting for me.  I picked up a copy of First Steps in Ritual, and it reflects a very structured ceremonial approach involving lots of paraphernalia, whereas -I now know- I'd have resonated more with a more folk/low magic type of approach. ⛤

New Age-y stuff (using the term very broadly)

    Having been put off of any kind of formal paganism due to not realising there were other approaches besides high magic, I stopped exploring for quite a while.
    In university I joined the New Age club and developed an interest in crystals, essential oils and the like.  Although I discovered I'd no talent for using divining rods and neither did I have much luck with pendulums.
    I attended a two week evening course on Intro to Reiki (and discovered I'd no talent for that either).
    Simultaneously, I took up Live Action Role Play, and it became my main focus for a very long time.  I still dabble.
    I enjoyed these explorations, and although I still use crystals & essential oils, at the time I found nothing which truly scratched that spiritual itch. ☯

The 2011 census

    Oddly, the catalyst for renewing my interest in finding a fitting spiritual path was the 2011 census.  Instead of just checking the non-religious box I decided I wanted to put something more accurate.  So I renewed my explorations. 💻

In uni, and since, I'd looked into a few different paths, including Shinto, pantheism and Buddism.  I'd  even referred to myself as a pantheist for a while, but something about the 'theist' part didn't feel authentic to me.
    I considered Wicca, but although the idea of being part of a coven was appealing, this path didn't fully resonate with me. I even considered Druidry, and ultimately did put down on the census that I was a 'neo-druid'.  But there was something I couldn't put my finger on which still didn't truly feel like the right fit. 🫆

The Cauldron

    At some point during my explorations I came across The Cauldron and joined up.  It was there that I learned there isn't only one type of Druidry and you don't have to believe in the God and Goddess, or be a polytheist (or even any kind of theist).
    So that encouraged me not to give up on the notion of Druidry, and I revisited it some more.
    I joined in the summer of 2015, and was asked to join the staff in the autumn of 2019, which was a real privilege.🏡

Druidry

    The reason I was hesitant about Druidry is because of the religion aspect.  I'd looked at OBOD and ADF and been put off my the focus on gods and goddesses.  For some reason I've always been extremely resistant of the notion of an omniscient god.  I think of it as Christianity 'baggage'.  I also have a hard time believing in any intangible entity, so the God and Goddess -despite fitting into the nature-based thing- don't really resonate with me either, except perhaps as archetypes.
    However, I eventually learned that for some people Druidry is more of a spirituality than a religion, and for others it's more of a philosophy, even.  So maybe I do fit in a bit more than I first thought. /|\

On being 'Druid-ish'

    I came up with the term Druid-ish for my path, initially because I didn't want to claim the term Druid in case it was perceived as disrespectful to existing Druids.  Because I still didn't fully see myself as fitting in.
    Also, I was aware I hadn't received any teachings, beyond a bit of reading online.  So how could I claim to be 'a Druid'?  (I started on the Bardic course with New Order of Druids, and had some very encouraging feedback, but my progress is glacially slow.)
    Full disclosure, though, I've always been kind of a contrary person and situated out there on the fringes, which I've rather come to embrace.  So I think the term Druid-ish might stick!
    (I feel like there's a little more to it, but for some reason I'm still struggling to articulate it.  That's a useful trait in a blogger isn't it?!  But that's why I'm a self-confessed air-head, folks.)🍃

Links - pagan

• The Cauldron (already linked above, but here it is again)
• New Order of Druids
• Other Druidry & related sites: ADF, Druid Network, OBOD, Philip Carr-Gomm

Links - environmental & climate activism

• Climate Action Network
• Doomsday Clock (for info)
• Extinction Rebellion
• Friends of the Earth
• Greenpeace
• WWF (I know they had a bad rap at one stage, but I like to believe they've overhauled things as they claim to have done)
• Also, previous blog posts: 1 & 2

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Tackling lack of motivation (or, in my case, failing to!)

    In work (I'm an office worker, with a high degree of autonomy with regard to prioritization, generally speaking), I'm a terrible procrastinator.  I need the pressure of a deadline in order to knuckle down.  (I used to do the same thing in school and university when assignments were due.)
    The problem is, when multiple deadlines compete and/or something else crops up which needs to take priority.  Because, then, I've invariably allowed insufficient time for all of it.  Or, if I unexpectedly need to take time off, or something; because then I won't be able to make that deadline.

    At home I'm pretty much the same.  I prefer the escapism of watching TV or playing video games to cracking on with household tasks.  So I'll leave things until we've no clean dishes left -or someone's coming over- to knuckle down and roll my sleeves up.

    Even with things like self-care and spiritual practice, I'm always thinking to myself:  I'll do it later/ tomorrow.
    Socialising with friends is the same; I tend to leave it until they contact me.  I very rarely initiate contact (because I've time-blindness, so I tend not to realise how long it's been since contact last took place).
    And you can forget exercising -- I'll do a session of exercise about once every 6 weeks, I reckon.  A far cry from the 3 or so times a week we're all meant to do.

    The desire to accomplish things is there, often.  I want to do well in my professional role, and I want to have a clean & tidy apartment.  I want to be able to prepare food without first having to stand and do dishes.
    But I can't motivate myself to make a start (I've both chronic ill-health and what I believe to be undiagnosed ADHD from childhood, so I'm definitely at a disadvantage here).

    I've tried To Do lists -- daily ones, weekly ones.  They usually work for only a very short time and then get abandoned.
    Sometimes it's a boom-and-bust thing (I assign myself too much at the front end and then get burnt out with it).  Sometimes it's that I feel okay about tackling the first few items immediately after making the list...  But by the following morning, all I want to do is drink tea and watch YouTube (i.e. take refuge in escapism).

    I've tried having a routine of set things on set days.  This sort of works in my professional life up to a point.  But tasks which fall outside of those set things are sometimes difficult to fit in.  It's never really worked in terms of household upkeep, either.  Not for more than -maybe- two-three days.

    I've tried having what the decluttering community calls 'non-negotiables'.  These are things like having a clear kitchen sink last thing at night before heading off to bed.  That actually worked longer than some of the other things.  But as soon as I start feeling overwhelmed it goes out the window along with other strategies.  And anyway, you can only have so many non-negotiables, so there's only so much which can be accomplished this way.

    I'm aware that in CBT it's widely accepted that action comes first and motivation follows.  And this is why techniques like the 2 minute / 5 minute technique are meant to work well.
    And these do sometimes work for me.  But it depends on what the task is.  (I've a certain amount of obsessive-compulsiveness, so once I begin a cleaning task, I'm unable to leave it alone until it's completely spotless, and that can be very energy draining.)
    Plus, I still have to get over the hurdle of getting started even for the 2-5 minutes.

    I know that it's recommended to schedule time into one's planned activities to devote to specific things you want to achieve.  This includes self-care, and even date-night with an intimate partner.  But my routine doesn't really work that way.  And anyway, I've a habit of dismissing my billions of phone reminders whenever they sound, as it is.  So I can't see it working.

    I previously tried having a jar with all the household chores on bits of paper and pulling one at random.  That didn't work, either, because I simply procrastinated with regard to pulling one.

    So my next approach is going to be as follows:
    I'm going to try the jar approach again, but instead of exclusively household tasks in the jar, I'm going to have a selection of different categories of tasks.

• Something spiritual ☯
• Something personal growth related 📖
• Something self-care related (this could be using an app, or doing some skin-care, or whatever) 💅
• Something domestic 🧹
• Declutter an item 🗑
• Make contact with a friend or family member (or an online contact) 📲
  (This list may, of course, change over time.)

(I'm not actually going to use a jar, this time, I'm going to use one of those little organza bags which you often get new jewellery in, because I can hang it where I can see it as a visual reminder.)

    This will mean that catching up with the backlog of domestic chores will take a long time, especially if I only draw one task per day.
    But hopefully that 2/5 minute technique effect will kick in and I'll draw more than one task each day.  Or maybe I'll just gain that motivation & momentum after making a start, and get more done than I expected.  I've got to keep trying to find a new & effective approach, so we'll see if this is the one...

🎊Happy 22 year anniversary to me!🎊

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Staying stuck in mental distress (and low self-worth)

[Could be considered Part 1(b)ii
of the previous series Part 1 and Part 1(b)]

[If you'd just like the recommendations, skip ahead to the bullet pointed section about a third of the way through the post]

My lived experience
    I write as someone who's pretty much had mental health difficulties all of my life.  Once upon a time I would've been embarrassed to admit that, but not anymore.  I've realised there's no shame in mental ill-health and I now talk more openly about it, as I believe this helps to de-stigmatise it.

Diagnoses, and lack thereof
    I've come to believe I've undiagnosed ADHD from childhood.  And that has always tended to bring with it criticisms of being disorganised, scatter-brained and even lazy.  You get told that enough throughout your childhood (and adolescence, and early adulthood) and at a certain point you internalise it.  Not to mention all the time spent comparing yourself to others.
    ADHD also brings with it anxiety and overwhelm from constant efforts to mask and fit in.
    Then there's the rejection sensitivity, sometimes known among sufferers as rejection sensitive 'dysphoria'.  If you don't know what RS[D] is, it reflects an inability to regulate emotional responses to stimuli.  And having what would be perceived as exaggerated reactions, disproportionate to that stimuli.  For example, an argument with a friend -in the mind of the RS[D] sufferer- means that the friendship is over, you'll never speak again and you're a terrible person.  With all the emotional anguish this perceived reality brings with it (albeit -generally- temporarily).

    I was a highly anxious and neurotic child, teen & young adult, eventually getting diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder.  (How much of that's related to the ADHD and how much is a whole separate thing will -I guess- never be known.)

    Chronic physical ill-health, an unpaid caring role alongside full-time work and chronic work-related stress later added depression into my 'collection'.

Attempted treatment
    I was first offered treatment by the department of psychiatry in my early 20s for social anxiety.  But I felt -at the time- that the CBT which was offered to me wasn't a good fit, and I was unable to engage with it.
    (I wrote about this in a previous post for those who might be interested.)

People I see stuck in mental distress
    Now, with the benefit of age and experience, I sometimes see others who I feel are in similar positions.  People who are having chronic mental health difficulties, and seem to be stuck there.
    I imagine there are a number of reasons for being stuck (not having found a source of support or a therapy type which is a good fit, for example).  But I wanted to address one of those reasons in this blog post.

    I see people who either won't seek help, or have had some but been unable to take it on board and allow it to improve their lot.  Like when I was in my 20s and couldn't engage with the CBT which was all that was on offer.
    In part being-unable-to-engage was due to it being uncomfortable.  And my lacking awareness that the discomfort was something which needed to be tolerated to come through the other side and begin to have a better experience.  (And, as I've come to learn -latterly- that distress-tolerance is actually even a useful technique to practice.)
    But I think part of it was also an extremely low sense of self-worth.  A subconscious part of me didn't think I deserved to feel better.  I somehow deserved instead to be punished, so I stayed stuck in feeling bad.

A possible root cause?
    The people I see around me who seem unable to move on into that better experience?  I feel like a lot of them are likely stuck, the same way I used to be.
    Someone in their life taught them -through their words, actions or lack of action- that they didn't deserve any better.  Abuse, bullying, neglect, coercive control.  These are things which are inflicted upon people.  And the perpetrators want their victims feeling low, so that they won't stand up for themselves or leave.  This doesn't mean that it's in any way deserved.  But -sadly- the insidiousness drives the message deep into a person's subconscious, where it sticks.
    In my case -looking back- it started with the RS[D] in childhood and some bullying in school, then was really compounded by an abusive intimate partner relationship in my mid-late teens.
    I've seen people for whom it was caused by bullying.  I've seen people for whom it was either a neglectful, a hurtful or abusive parent.  I'm sure it could be caused by teachers, coaches and other such figures, even.  Or a combination.
    And as we know, a lot of folk who've experienced such harm in their lives tend to find themselves attracting yet more damaging people in their relationships going forward.  It's that insidiousness, again.

Recommendations
    So, what do I -a layperson, but with lived experience- recommend?

• First and foremost, allow yourself to believe that you deserve to feel better.  It may well be easier said than done, to begin with.  But for almost everyone on earth, there are people who care about you.  So, if you can't yet accept that you deserve this for you, then do it for those people in the beginning.  You'll be in a position to be a better friend/spouse/co-worker/team-mate/neighbour once you start working on yourself.  And if you're currently socially isolated, know that starting to feel better in yourself will undoubtedly put you in a better position to start making new connections.
• Reach out for help from services when you feel you need it, but do be aware that the first thing which comes along may not necessarily be the best fit in the long term. You might need to have a bit of patience & perseverance before you're able to get into your stride.  Don't give up.
• With the above in mind, if you can afford to shop around, it's fine to shop around and find a good fit.  In fact, it's wise to do so if you can.
• If you can't afford to shop around and instead have to rely on free help (like here in the UK under the NHS) it's still okay to ask the question as to whether you can speak to someone else if you don't mesh well with the therapist.  It's not a personal failure of yours if that happens -- it's important to feel you can open up to the therapist; so -if that doesn't seem like the case- then you're at least entitled to ask about the alternatives.
• Try to be open-minded about the type of therapy offered.  And actually give it a fair go.  It isn't necessarily meant to be comfortable, certainly in the beginning.  And it also isn't powerful enough to work after only 1 session, so you're going to need to persevere for a while.  (This is another reason why finding a good fit is important if at all possible.)  You've got this.
• It doesn't necessarily have to involve talking about past trauma, at least not extensively.  A therapist will likely want to have a rough idea of your general background, but a good one should understand if you'd rather focus attention elsewhere.  For example, you may chose to look at specific goals, or practical exercises to help with your chosen areas of concern.  In fact, the therapist will likely be encouraged that you've done some thinking about what you want to get out of therapy.
• Reflect.  Whether you're having face-to-face sessions or online, try not to be intimidated by periods of silence -- reflecting on your thoughts is important, and helpful, so see silences as a chance to do so.
       Try to reflect between sessions as well, and even make notes to bring to your next session.  (If you're following some sort of online course involving reading material &/or written exercises, or reading a book, you can still reflect and re-read sections.)  You can even discuss the material with a trusted confidant in between sessions if you feel comfortable and have someone in your circle who'll be supportive with it.

In the meantime...
    What if you're not able to access therapy right away?  Or you're in the process of finding that good fit and haven't found it yet?

• The 1st bullet point above still applies; you deserve to feel better.  This is probably the most important of the bullet points.  Take steps to look at how you're feeling -- seek out books &/or online resources.  I highly recommend Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before by Dr Julie Smith.  It's available on Audible and Google Play Books, as well as in hard copy.  I will also put a list of other resources at the end.
• If you haven't already, try to confide in a friend, family member or other trusted confidant as to how you're feeling.  You don't necessarily have to go into details if you don't feel comfortable.  But having someone who knows a little about what you're going through at least means you can express it when you're feeling low.  They might be able to give a gentle pep talk, or just a hug (depending on the relationship you have).  Or at the very least they can probably help take your mind off things temporarily by doing something together.
• Self-compassion.  Once you've... Whether or not you've taken on board that you deserve to feel better, try to cultivate some self-compassion.  All of us have automatic negative thoughts at times, and they can keep us stuck feeling badly about ourselves.  The first step is to try to spot these thoughts.  It doesn't necessarily fix it to try and 'just think the opposite' of these thoughts right away.  Part of your mind will rebel; and it'll be stuck in the usual, habitual thought patterns.  So -for now- try to alter them into something neutral instead.
       When you catch yourself thinking: "I can never seem to make small talk" (for example), don't try to pressurise yourself into thinking: "I'm amazing at small talk".  But instead, tell yourself: "I just need more practice, like a lot of people".  Try to change the negative self-talk into neutral, gradually, and in time you'll find you're ready to start giving yourself pep talks, like those you'd give to a good friend going through tough times.
• Self-care.  I know it sounds corny, but allow yourself regular self-care, on a daily basis ideally.  It doesn't have to be a long soak in a bubble bath (though it can be if that's your thing).  It can be taking a little extra time to make yourself something healthy to eat, or taking a walk outdoors.  It can be taking a few minutes to sit down and savour a beverage during an otherwise busy day, or even just sitting with your eyes closed for a few minutes, listening to a favourite song (or simply enjoying some quiet).
       Whatever it is, pick something which -to you- represents self care -- maybe make a list of different self-care activities in a little note book and keep it with you.  Self-care is a way of demonstrating to your subconscious that you deserve to feel better.
• Consider journaling.  I've not been very successful at this one myself (my mind always goes blank when I sit down to write)  But lots of people have recommended it to me.  It turns out, as well, that there are lots of different types of journaling you can try, too.  So I recommend an internet search for journaling techniques, to find one which appeals to you.
       [I will add one note: when I have tried journaling to get the distressing thoughts and feelings out, I've preferred to write it on loose leaf paper, and then dispose of it rather than putting it in a notebook or journal which I'm intending to keep.  But I do also know that some other folk like to look back at past entries to look for patterns, or to see the progress they've made.  So, it's one of those personal preference things.]
• Affirmations, but this one has a couple of caveats.  The first caveat is that I believe 'manifestation' has it's limitations and isn't a panacea or cure all.  So make sure you don't make it your only approach.
       The second caveat is -from personal experience- the affirmations you choose need to resonate well with you as an individual.  Because -again from personal experience- if you try to tell yourself something which your mind sees as 'outlandish', it'll contradict you (at least mine does, anyway!)
       For example, if you try to tell yourself "I'm perfectly happy", the next thought to surface is likely to poke holes in that, such as "that's bull, I'm actually really stressed out..." (or whatever).  And that just seems counter-productive.
       So, be choosy, especially if listening to audio recorded by someone else.
       You might also like to try this grounding technique instead from the Therapy in a Nutshell YouTube channel, at least to begin with: Relaxed Vigilance.
• Relaxation &/or grounding exercises.  Lots of us get stuck in fight-or-flight mode, making relaxation really difficult (search the term 'nervous system dysregulation').  But know that relaxation doesn't necessarily simply arrive after you finish work, or get home from doing grocery shopping, or whatever.  Very often you need to go after it, proactively.  And it doesn't just mean watching the television or playing video games (indulging in some of that's fine, just not too much).
       Now, along with journaling, I struggle with this one (despite it feeling good when I do occasionally take that long, slow breath).  So, rather than recommending specific relaxation techniques, I'm -again- going to suggest doing an internet search.
       And if you spend the last chunk of your day -say a half hour or so- before bedtime practicing your relaxation, it's also likely to help with sleep.  But do make sure to set aside time for this after work &/or your TV or video gaming session, ideally every day.
• Mindfulness is really big these days.  I've listed it separately to relaxation, because mindfulness doesn't have to represent an hour out of your evening (nor even 20 minutes).  Instead, mindfulness can feature at intervals throughout your day.  Plus, I wanted to talk about different types of mindfulness.  I'm heading this one: think outside the box.  In other words, find what works for you as an individual.
       For example, I've heard some stuff about mindful eating.  But, you don't necessarily have to savour only the flavour of the cup of tea or bowl of soup.  You can sense the warmth and texture of the cup in your hands, if that works better for you.  You can watch the swirling of the steam in the air.
       If -like me- you struggle to do mindfulness purely within the mind (if that makes sense), try something else that's tactile.  Cup your face in your hands; notice the relative temperatures of the skin of your hands and your face.  Focus on keeping your spine in the optimum position for a bit, but without tensing -- turns out it may take more concentration than you might think.
       Or, you could try something visual -- try to memorise your toes, or trace the tangle of branches in some trees with your eyes and just allow yourself to get lost.
       Just pick something mindful to do at regular intervals that works for you.  Get out of your own head, as they say.  Reconnect with your body a little.  And know that it's giving your mind a little break each time.  Plus you're cultivating a healthy habit which will only become stronger over time.  You can even mindfully wash dishes, or so I'm told...

    These last two, relaxation and mindfulness, can really help with the mind-body connection.  So, whilst -on the face of it- they might not seem to be helping directly with feelings of low self-worth, they'll help to regulate your nervous system.  This, in turn, will help send signals from your body to your brain that all's well.  Plus, these activities also come under the category of self-care.

    Finally, exercise is also meant to be really helpful with depression (and can be done mindfully).  So it can be extremely helpful to find a physical activity you enjoy doing and take up doing it regularly.  If -like me- you struggle with regular exercise, at least know that movement can be helpful in moments of anxiety and stress.  Even if all you do is stand up and shake out your hands & feet for a few minutes.

    When you've come to the end of the bullet points... go right back to the top and begin again.  (Or, just pick a random one anywhere in the list.  Or, for that matter, if the above list doesn't speak to you, come up with your own ideas and practices.)
    You see, this isn't a one-off exercise, it's a process you want to make into a well-established habit, like training a muscle via gym equipment.
    And hang in there.  You do -I'll say it again- deserve to feel better.

❣ Begin now ❣

Other resources to consider exploring

• Apps for self-care posts: post 1 (from June 2020) and post 2 (from January 2022)
• CIMHS/Bliss Free Online Therapy for Depression free short course
• Crappy Childhood Fairy free online resource (e.g. daily practice)
• Empowered Self - The Somatic Strength Collective (free 7 day trial)
• Every Mind Matters - NHS
• Getselfhelp.co.uk
• Meditainment | Guided meditation and visualization
• Meditation - HelpGuide.org
• Mental wellbeing audio guides - NHS
• 'Overcoming' Apps
• Psychkit.org
• Rhythm of Regulation Meditations
• Self-Administered EMDR (Is it A Good Idea For You?) - YouTube
• https://selfcareissexy.com/resources
• 750words.com -- daily writing habit site (there are also others out there, plus apps for those who prefer an app)
• Side by Side | A community platform by Mind
• Therapy in a Nutshell | How to Process Your Emotions - YouTube (see Somatic exercise - The Robin, in particular, and also 6 Keys to get WAY more out of therapy may be helpful too)
• Wellbeing Support | Activities & ideas | British Red Cross
• Wysa - Everyday Mental Health app

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Seek first to understand...

    Just a somewhat brief post about an incident which occurred on the street today.

    An older man had -it appeared- fallen and was laid on the path beside the road.  My friend and I were on out way to get coffee and passed by him.
    We asked the man if he was okay and when he said yes, & that he was sure, we were about to proceed on our way.  But it didn't sit right with us, so we hesitated.  No-one lays on the path beside a busy road in the traffic fumes if all is well.
    Another group of people also stopped to ask the man if he was alright, and if he wanted a tea or a water.  He declined their help.  We all hung on for a few minutes, encouraging him to accept help to sit up, at least, because he looked really uncomfortable.  He said he wanted to sit up by himself, though.

    The other group noted the man had a gash on one of his cheekbones.  He wasn't very coherent when asked what had happened, and his speech was indistinct so it was difficult to communicate effectively, but he seemed to say he didn't want an ambulance summoned.
    The other group went on their way, but my friend and I hesitated, because it occurred to us how vulnerable the man was.  He had retrieved his mobile phone (an old model, not worth anything, but still...) from his pocket and had it in his hand.  The area is not an awesome one in terms of rates of violent crime.  And you hear stories about people perpetrating violence on the vulnerable, such as houseless people.

    What struck me was that -while my friend and the other group of folk stood pondering what to do for the man- numerous other people commented to us as they passed by.  They said: "he's often around" (presumably implying that he's unemployed) and they also said: "he drinks" or "he uses".  Their tone of voice was disparaging.

    Why did these points of 'information' (whether true or not) mean that this man wasn't worthy of having emergency aid summoned for him?  Even if he was under the influence of something and had fallen because of it, did that mean he shouldn't get checked over by a paramedic for a concussion?
    Would it have been okay if he did have a concussion perceived as 'self-inflicted' and we all left him there to deteriorate, or for someone else to steal whatever cash he might've had?
    Alternatively, isn't it possible that someone had hit him in the face sometime prior to our arrival?

    So, my friend and I called an ambulance anyway, and then went to get our coffee at the nearest place so we could see when the crew arrived.
    Meantime, the man had actually got himself into a sitting position, put his cap back on his head and then managed to get to his feet.  He lit a cigarette, and slowly made his way up the road.
    As he passed we asked if he was feeling better and he said (still somewhat indistinctly) that he's diabetic, and he was on his way home now.  We asked if he thought he'd be okay and when he confirmed, we called to get the ambulance stood down.
    Maybe he was only claiming to be diabetic to cover for a substance abuse issue.  Or maybe it's both things.  But it really doesn't matter, you still just don't leave someone who's clearly injured themselves on the street without assistance.  Whether they're unemployed or not.  Whether they're houseless or not.

    I'm not perfect, and I do admit to a bit of trepidation when approaching someone in that sort of position.  Because you're never quite sure if someone has mental health issues, and -if they do- whether they could be volatile.  It would've been different if it was dark and unpopulated -- it would've been necessary to prioritise our own safety more heavily if that were the case, but this was broad daylight with plenty of folk around & businesses open.

    I myself am not the tidiest looking person, I've hair like a bird nest and my old worn-out hippy clothes have been around the block a long time in some cases.  If I fall down and hit my head, I'd like to think someone wouldn't be too scared of my appearance to offer help, or at least make a phone call to summon it.

    Someone said to me in a virtual conversation (paraphrased): I like to protect the weak, because sometimes that's me.

    Just something to think about.

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SilverCloud coping with stress course -- review

Part 2 -- the actual review

SilverCloud

    I've been doing an online course on coping with stress from SilverCloud.  [This review will be of very limited use to folk outside of the UK, because this course was made available to me through the NHS.] ☁
    If you're in the UK, I recommend doing a websearch for SilverCloud and the county you live in.  Or approach your GP (did you know -because I didn't until recently- a lot of GP practices have a Social Prescribing Team?). 💬

Pros

    I think the main thing that I want to say about the course is that it's fairly nice and interactive.  It isn't just: read this block of text, followed by this other block of text.  It really hit the spot for me. 💻
    There are videos, quotes, quizzes, exercises, MP3s and mini case studies (aka lived experiences from other past patients).  Also, attractive photos.  You additionally get the opportunity to write your own reflections, goals & etc as you work through it.  This includes the chance to add your 'take-away' at the end of each section.  Then there's a toolkit, including a journal, where -once again- you can reflect and record your own information (a bit more on that later). 🔧
    You can bookmark sections which are particularly helpful to you, and it groups them all together in their own section (named Bookmarks, as you'd imagine).  You can even also download a summary sheet as a PDF for each module, if you want. 🔖
    It looks as though access to the course isn't immediately removed the moment you finish the last chapter.  This gives an opportunity to re-read bits (or even the whole thing). ⏳

Cons
    My criticism of the course is that there are lots of great tools available to go alongside it, but -the way it's laid out- it didn't necessarily make all of them really obvious.  And that's something of a shame, because some are really useful. 🠊

    For many of these tools there was an area within the relevant chapter for you to explore the associated tool, which was ideal.  For others, the link to take you to the tool was tucked away beneath a single clickable arrow to expand the page, and when the arrows were single ones I found them easy to miss.  (Though where there were 2 or 3 of these arrows together, I didn't have this same issue, because it was more obvious.)❕
    If you're following the course -or planning to- I definitely recommend clicking into Tools to check out (and/or revisit) each of the tools available,.  (Note: I think some of them only become available once you've completed the relevant section they go alongside, which makes sense.)🔧

    Finally, in terms of cons, the standard set of wellbeing questionnaires popped up at odd timings, making me complete them before I could continue the course.  But this was fairly minor. 🗎

Other tips

    With this course, there's also the option to be matched with a Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner to 'coach' you through the course, keeping you on track with a weekly call.  This weekly conversation is also an opportunity to reflect on what you've covered in your latest chapter/s. 🖁

    My specific PWP turned out not to be the best fit (although very nice).  This was because they talked a lot, which left me without much time during our calls to reflect on the material in my own words.  This might not have been solely down to the PWP, because -I do admit- I was following the course at a hugely distracting time in my life (to say the least).  As such, I mostly read the chapters whilst out and about -- on the bus even.  (It was nice to have that option in many ways; but it meant that I wasn't taking any notes, meaning I wasn't getting the most out of the course.) 🚌
    So, I recommend taking notes in a hand-written form as you work through the chapters.  (Or, you can stick to the journal provided within the course if preferred; but either way remember to have it in front of you during the weekly calls.)  Then, make a point of bringing up points you'd like to reflect on during the conversations.  (I believe I'm right in saying that PWPs are not trained counsellors or therapists; but they can certainly discuss the course material with you.) ✍

    You can also communicate with your PWP -up to a point- in written format via the website.  (I believe it's standard practice for them to review your comments etc just prior to the weekly call, though.) 🗟

CBT

    I'll also add that the course is -as it says on the 'tin'- cognitive behaviour therapy, but it's a sort of 'abridged' version.  It's definitely a useful introduction, but it might not go deep enough for everyone.  💭
    There are other sources of CBT information available, obviously.  For example, I highly recommend Dr Julie Smith's book: Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before.  (This title is available on Audible as well as in hard copy -- I have -and use- both formats.) 🕮
    However, if you're not in the right frame of mind for reading or just not a big reader to begin with, this course is an excellent way of accessing CBT information.  Or, as a supplement, to further reinforce the ideas you may have learned elsewhere.  The videos guide you into each chapter (though there are also transcripts available it you prefer).  And it can be really helpful to read the comments from other real life users at the chapter ends. 🖊
    Additionally, don't be afraid to re-read and re-visit sections of the course -- on a different day, you might have a different take-away, plus it'll help the information 'stick'. 📆

Thoughts on the course content (mild spoilers!)

    The modules are: an overview of stress; coping with stress, including our resources; taking action; de-stressing thoughts; lifestyle choices; communication and relationships; and finally, a moving forward section. 📑
    The course is written in accessible (but not patronising) language.  It's not too in depth (so it doesn't pile on the pressure), but it covers the basics well.

    One thing the course cannot provide, is real-world opportunities to practice communication techniques for being assertive.  And as this has always been something I've struggled with, I really do need practice.  I guess my poor spouse will be the guinea pig! 🗪

Thoughts on the Toolkit

    There are tools for reflecting on: your goals and support network; stressors and responses to them; strengths and values; current coping strategies, and new ones; time management priorities and problem solving; and for recording/tracking moods (among others). There are lots of downloadable MP3s, too. 🔧
    These are all available via tiles you can click/tap from the toolkit when you want, so it doesn't feel overwhelming. ⊞
    There's also a stress plan you can complete for moving forward, pulling some of the elements together.  (If you've ever come across a Wellness [Recovery] Action Plan before, this is like slightly a scaled down version of that.) 🗋

    One addition I'd like to recommend to SilverCloud, is a place specifically for recording thought-processes whilst trying to challenge unhelpful thinking; I think it could be potentially valuable (maybe a downloadable PDF worksheet, not unlike this).  This might help to put the recommendations from that section into practice somewhat more tangibly (in written format), since it's another a skill which needs practice. 🗟

    In fact, on reflection, perhaps a spot could also be provided for the user to reflect on assertive communication options, too.  It won't ever replace a role-playing exercise together with another person, obviously; but perhaps it could stimulate some thought on the matter, at least. 🗪

Some final thoughts from me on grounding/relaxation

    The section on relaxation in the course has this to say:

"What happens when you try combine oil and water? They just don’t mix.
    The same thing happens to stress and relaxation: you cannot be stressed and relaxed at the same time. This is because of the fight, flight, or freeze response: your body either gets ready for this or else it relaxes, it cannot do both at the same time.
    Your body cannot be tense and relaxed at the same time.
    It is because of this that learning to relax can be very helpful in managing stress. If you can learn to tell your body to relax when it’s tense, you will be able to bring down your stress levels."  [sic]

    For me, this point didn't quite land right, to begin with at least.  It felt a bit like saying: just calm down and you won't be stressed any more.  (Well, if I could do that then I wouldn't be needing a course on coping with stress in the first place, would I...?) 😵

    I much prefer some of the other explanations I've come across, in which it's clarified that not only does the brain send signals to the body that there's a stressor present, but it also works in reverse.  The body also sends signals to the brain that it ought to be hypervigilant & consequently stressed, or -conversely- that it's safe to be relaxed.  See, for example, the section in this video talking about the vagus nerve (it's at timestamp 3:43 or so). 🔃
    Additionally, I've often found myself just far too 'keyed up' from the stress to sit still and even attempt breathing exercises, or whatever other relaxation technique. 💥
    From other sources, I've learned that a helpful option before trying a relaxation exercise is to do a grounding one first.  This helps bring you back out of your own head, as they say, and back into your body a bit.  For example, the '5 things', or 5-4-3-2-1 technique.  If that 'keyed-up' feeling is very significant, you might even want to try a bit of physical activity first, to 'burn off' some of those stress hormones, too. 👏
    Hopefully after grounding, you'll be more receptive to relaxation techniques and those muscles can be coaxed into letting go of tension, to the benefit of your whole nervous system. 😤

SilverCloud

    Here is the NHS website (or one of them)   https://www.italk.org.uk/how-we-help/silvercloud/ and here's the company one: SilverCloud® by Amwell®: Evidence-Based, Digital Mental Health. ☁

Other

    There are also some wellbeing videos available  here, audio files here and other podcasts here.  In fact, it's fascinating what you can find if you click around the NHS website, and especially some of the NHS sites for different areas around the country...  Something to do of a rainy afternoon, maybe. 🌦
    Here are 25 Grounding Exercises, including that 5 things one again. 🜃
    Finally, see also some of my past blog posts for a number of other mental health tips and resources (most recently, this one). ☔

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Tearjerkers in media, and their effect

SPOILERS ALERT (but for old stuff, from the 1990s and 2000s)

    I've been known to blubber whilst watching many a movie (and many a YouTube video, often where the death of a pet is announced).  Frankly, I've been known to bawl my head virtually right the way off.  (I will never, ever watch 'Bridge to Terabithia' ever again. Ever.)

    But sometimes my spouse turns to look at me when, say, a character dies in a movie, to check how I'm doing.  And he can't seem to fathom why I'm -sometimes- not crying after the loss of a main character.

    This YouTuber has an interesting take on why the loss of 'Wilson' in 'Castaway' is such a tearjerker moment.

    I'm inclined to disagree a little bit with his conclusion.  But I do agree it is a tearjerking moment.

    For me, it's the reaction(s) of the survivor(s).  I cry every time I watch 'Lord of the Rings', despite knowing that Gandalf actually returns.  And it's because of the reactions of the hobbits to his initial loss (they, of course, think he's dead in that moment).

    And every time I re-watch 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' (the series, which is my comfort re-watch) I blubber during that one episode, 'The Body', despite knowing it's coming.  (Actually, this last re-watch I made the decision to skip it because of the emotions it provokes in me.)

    It needs to be a good performance, of course.  If a movie or series has sub-par acting it doesn't have the same impact.  (But there again, if it's a sub-par movie/series it's generally difficult to persevere watching it anyways.)

    The loss of Wilson is emotional for me because Tom Hanks' portrayal of the anguish of that moment is so convincing.  Yes, it's an inanimate object.  But it's also been Chuck's only companion all this time.  And now Chuck's forced to part with Wilson, or else give up his bid for rescue and salvation.  It's all or nothing for Chuck.  And now he's got to brave it alone.  (Of course, he's been alone with a volleyball all this time, but you get what I mean.)

    I disagree with Peaked Interest over on YouTube that the loss of Wilson represents the loss of hope.  I think it represents, as mentioned, the scale of what's at stake for Chuck on his raft ride to freedom.  This is a one time deal, either Chuck makes it or he dies trying.  You might say that Chuck has to let go of the 'safety blanket' that Wilson has been, in order to free himself to reach out for the hope of civilisation.  He can't have both.  He can't have the-devil-you-know of castaway island, and this chance to return home.  He has to throw in his entire lot on this voyage.

    Or maybe it's simply that I empathise so much with Chuck's sense of loss.  I'm a highly neurotic person (to use a bit of an outdated term), with a history of attaching too much sentiment to objects.  That's something I'm trying to work on, actually, as I've got a lengthy de-cluttering journey ahead of me in my home.  (Things are just things; often they can be replaced, and even if they can't that doesn't erase the memory of the thing and what it represents.)

    For me, it's not the fact of the death of Joyce in that episode which triggers the sadness.  It's that her loved ones are bereft, and I can feel it through the actors' performances.
    If the script doesn't incorporate a focus on the effects of that grief on the survivors, it doesn't give rise to the same emotional reaction in me.

    As is often said about pain, though: it's a signal that you're alive.  And I've been learning about 'sitting with' uncomfortable emotions, and about distress tolerance lately.  So there's something to be said for watching media which makes you sad, beyond just appreciating a good performance by an actor.

    By the way, if you or someone you know is too young to have seen Castaway I highly recommend it.  It's aged well and is definitely worth a watch.  (Sorry for the mild spoilers above.)

🕯 Rest in peace precious Greebie and Toffee. 🕯

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