How do people see me, I wonder?

    In the shower I was repeating affirmations (Powerful Positive Morning Affirmations for Positive Day) when I suddenly wondered how other people see me.

    I can't recall which one of the affirmations in particular triggered this thought.  But I guess it was one of the "I am happy" ones.

    And I guess my train of thought from there went: I am happy.
    (As though I was trying to convince someone else.)

    It may not always seem like it, though.

    I recall an anecdote which kind of illustrates this.  In my early 20s I was doing the Prince's Trust 'course'.  This included a week of outdoors activities such as hiking and orienteering.  Some of the other people doing the course were youth offenders.  And I was terrified of these guys.  At least one of them had been charged with grievous bodily harm, so he said.  (It may not have actually been true, but I'd no way to know that at the time.)

    I was put in charge of keeping order whilst we were all being transported by minibus.  And this GBH offender was refusing to sit down.  He said later that I gave him a look which he found intimating!  When in reality I was feeling at a loss to know how to get him to comply, as I was petrified of a confrontation with him.

    So, apparently I can come across in a completely different way than I realise or intend.

     I feel I'm actually a generally pretty contented person for the most part.

    When I reflect on whether I'm happy with where I am in life, I am.  Yes, there is room for improvement, for example financially.  But on the whole, I'm quite contented.

    If anything, I maybe need to work on my social skills some more.  I've got a feeling that I complain about life stuff more than is 'acceptable', because I find silences in a conversation uncomfortable!  Or if I don't know what to talk about with someone.

    So perhaps that's a bit of a new year's resolution for 2022 for me right there.  I can definitely spend more time enquiring about other people and their interests & life stuff than I do complaining about my own.

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