The Holly & the Ivy, and an un-nameable yearning
I was still small -maybe seven or eight- when, one autumn‑winter term in primary school, I learned that so much of the Christmas season -and many Christian traditions generally- were threaded through with older pagan imagery.
The specific carol The Holly and the Ivy stayed with me most of all, as the subtitle suggests. I believe the teacher explicitly spoke about the theory of those older pagan images being secreted within the lyrics. I guess it was my first exposure to the fact of paganism, or really anything that pre-dated Christianity. And it very much took a hold of something in my subconscious.🦌
I've had this un-nameable yearning within me -really- ever since. It was as though something spoke to me, though I couldn't quite connect on a conscious level with what that something was/is. Still can't quite articulate it now, much to my own dismay.
I guess, in short, I'd never felt at all connected to Christianity and was intrigued to learn that there was something else out there. This was well before the internet was a thing, though, so my opportunities to explore were rather limited. 💭
Environmentalism, Greenpeace and the like
I'm not sure where it came from, but I developed a notion at quite a young age, maybe 10-11, that the human race was destroying the planet when we ought to be protecting it. I suspect it may have stemmed from learning about the ozone layer hole which we were exacerbating at that time with CFCs and the like.
This was before the internet was a thing, so the most I could do at that age was start hanging around with the other kids who also doodled the CND symbol on their school bags etc, plus the odd letter writing campaign to electricity companies and the like. Oh, and boycotting things like aerosols with those CFCs in them etc.
(As the subtitle suggests, I had an interest in Greenpeace, but actually I wasn't able to connect with other activists back then.) ☮
A connection with nature & the natural world
I'd always been most at peace in the natural world, as I was lucky enough to grow up in a rural little town where we could be free-range in the meadows and woods. (Looking back there were risks associated with that which parents nowadays probably wouldn't deem acceptable, but it was a different time and I was lucky.)
I used to sit in the branches of trees and take the family doggo on long walks. On at least one occasion I did a litter-pick while I was out and then wrote an outraged letter to the local paper about the littering issue. My Mum was really proud of me for that. 🐕
We used to go on family holidays here in the UK and I always insisted that we visit an old ruined castle (to satisfy my interest in that period of history) and/or a stone circle if at all possible. We also used to go swimming in rivers and lakes, picnicking and walking in hills, on moors and in woodlands. I can't tell you how many photos I have which all look the same (my photography skills not being up to the task of capturing those environments)!
At other times I used to volunteer and raise funds for animal charities, and I later explored nature-based paganism, as you might imagine. More on that in a later paragraph. 🌳
Some alternative interests
In my early teens I began exploring the library and 2nd hand book shop for interesting topics which -I'd argue- could be seen as pagan adjacent.
I wasn't really aware that modern paganism was a thing, so I didn't think to look it up specifically. (And I mainly used to purchase my books from their old, unwanted stock, because I couldn't remember to return library books on time!) 📖
So I explored things like the I-Ching, dream analysis, palmistry, tarot and astrology. (Also, rock & heavy metal music, and things like D&D.) And these were interesting and fun, but nothing really satisfied my craving.
Regrettably, the first time I did finally come across anything specifically pagan it was actually off-putting for me. I picked up a copy of First Steps in Ritual, and it reflects a very structured ceremonial approach involving lots of paraphernalia, whereas -I now know- I'd have resonated more with a more folk/low magic type of approach. ⛤
New Age-y stuff (using the term very broadly)
Having been put off of any kind of formal paganism due to not realising there were other approaches besides high magic, I stopped exploring for quite a while.
In university I joined the New Age club and developed an interest in crystals, essential oils and the like. Although I discovered I'd no talent for using divining rods and neither did I have much luck with pendulums.
I attended a two week evening course on Intro to Reiki (and discovered I'd no talent for that either).
Simultaneously, I took up Live Action Role Play, and it became my main focus for a very long time. I still dabble.
I enjoyed these explorations, and although I still use crystals & essential oils, at the time I found nothing which truly scratched that spiritual itch. ☯
The 2011 census
Oddly, the catalyst for renewing my interest in finding a fitting spiritual path was the 2011 census. Instead of just checking the non-religious box I decided I wanted to put something more accurate. So I renewed my explorations. 💻
In uni, and since, I'd looked into a few different paths, including Shinto, pantheism and Buddism. I'd even referred to myself as a pantheist for a while, but something about the 'theist' part didn't feel authentic to me.
I considered Wicca, but although the idea of being part of a coven was appealing, this path didn't fully resonate with me. I even considered Druidry, and ultimately did put down on the census that I was a 'neo-druid'. But there was something I couldn't put my finger on which still didn't truly feel like the right fit.
The Cauldron
At some point during my explorations I came across The Cauldron and joined up. It was there that I learned there isn't only one type of Druidry and you don't have to believe in the God and Goddess, or be a polytheist (or even any kind of theist).
So that encouraged me not to give up on the notion of Druidry, and I revisited it some more.
I joined in the summer of 2015, and was asked to join the staff in the autumn of 2019, which was a real privilege.🏡
Druidry
The reason I was hesitant about Druidry is because of the religion aspect. I'd looked at OBOD and ADF and been put off my the focus on gods and goddesses. For some reason I've always been extremely resistant of the notion of an omniscient god. I think of it as Christianity 'baggage'. I also have a hard time believing in any intangible entity, so the God and Goddess -despite fitting into the nature-based thing- don't really resonate with me either, except perhaps as archetypes.
However, I eventually learned that for some people Druidry is more of a spirituality than a religion, and for others it's more of a philosophy, even. So maybe I do fit in a bit more than I first thought. /|\
On being 'Druid-ish'
I came up with the term Druid-ish for my path, initially because I didn't want to claim the term Druid in case it was perceived as disrespectful to existing Druids. Because I still didn't fully see myself as fitting in.
Also, I was aware I hadn't received any teachings, beyond a bit of reading online. So how could I claim to be 'a Druid'? (I started on the Bardic course with New Order of Druids, and had some very encouraging feedback, but my progress is glacially slow.)
Full disclosure, though, I've always been kind of a contrary person and situated out there on the fringes, which I've rather come to embrace. So I think the term Druid-ish might stick!
(I feel like there's a little more to it, but for some reason I'm still struggling to articulate it. That's a useful trait in a blogger isn't it?! But that's why I'm a self-confessed air-head, folks.)🍃
Links - pagan
- The Cauldron (already linked above, but here it is again)
- New Order of Druids
- Other Druidry & related sites: ADF, Druid Network, OBOD, Philip Carr-Gomm
Links - environmental & climate activism
- Climate Action Network
- Doomsday Clock (for info)
- Extinction Rebellion
- Friends of the Earth
- Greenpeace
- WWF (I know they had a bad rap at one stage, but I like to believe they've overhauled things as they claim to have done)
- Also, previous blog posts: 1 & 2
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