Weathering the storm

Part 1(b)

    In my last post I mentioned that I'm doing an online course on coping with stress, and I talked about resilience.
    My idea for building resilience centers around reclamation.  But first I said it's necessary to weather the storm.

    So I thought it important to write something about weathering the storm, before doing part 2 of this blog proper.

    Full disclosure, I'm right in the middle of a doozy of a storm.  The serious ill-health of a close family member, family drama with other immediate family members, my own chronic ill-health and pre-existing caring responsibility for my spouse. Plus a stressful job in which I was already close to burnout before all this.

    And I can't claim to be an expert at weathering this, honestly.  Some days I feel like the storm is going to force me below the waves.  But, like I said, I felt it important to write about this, because I didn't flesh it out in that last post.

    So, how am I weathering this storm, or trying to at least?

    Support networks are important, and I'm lucky enough to have a good one, with lots of people willing to lend me practical support.  And some willing to listen when I need to let my emotions out.

    Honestly, I haven't felt any shame about reaching out to helplines at times, too.  Here in England we have the Samaritans, among others -- I'll list some at the end.
    If your local support network is in any way limited for whatever reason -be it through mobility issues, isolation, practical considerations like the cost of fuel, or whatever-  do connect with services to get support.  (You don't need to be experiencing suicidal ideation, but if you are it's even more important to please reach out.)

    It might be that your employer has an employee assistance programme -- mine even offers legal advice, as well as in-the-moment telephone support for mental health.  I've used it a lot lately, for both aspects (but mostly the latter).

    Primary health care has been important, too.  Here in England we're lucky enough to have the state funded NHS (it very much has it's flaws, such as underfunding, but it is free at the point of use).  And I've made more use of it during this time of crisis that I have in a long, long time.

    The coach they assigned to keep me on track with the online course recommended self-care.  Her suggestion was a bubble bath, but I'm not a soaking-in-the-tub person.  So I reflected some and decided that my self-care is taking a nap, with a podcast to help me doze off.  I'm so exhausted and depleted, that the extra sleep is a real help, and it just feels refreshing (and indulgent...).
    (Now, I am a chronic insomniac, and opinion's divided on whether napping's a good or bad thing.  But I like it, and I feel I need to get the rest I can't get overnight whenever else I get the opportunity.)

    The online course also mentions that in times of crisis we tend to neglect the very things which can often do us most good, such as healthy nutrition and exercise.
    Now, I'm not very good at this one.  But here's a really low impact idea to incorporate a little movement into almost anyone's everyday routine, if done numerous times a day: Increase Blood Flow Circulation to Legs and Feet (YouTube)

    If it's your thing, relaxation and meditation can help calm the nervous system.  I'm a fan, but I have to be in something of a calm place to begin with to get the benefit.
    When I'm not in that even-vaguely-calm place, there are a few simple little exercises which I like that can help get me there.  Search the following online:  'ear massage for vagus nerve stimulation';  'the physiological sigh';  and 'the butterfly hug'.
    Some of these can be done even in public (or certainly at, say, your desk in the office), without anyone else really knowing.  This includes this one, which I'm a big fan of lately: Sternum pressure point for relaxation.

    As you can see, I'm quite a fan of YouTube, and -again if it's your thing- watching something which gives you a laugh can take the edge off for a bit.  I like cat videos, and sometimes doorbell cams (though I don't really like to see people fall down and get hurt).
    It seems even manufacturing laughter can be helpful for some -- I guess maybe it's a fake-it-till-you-make-it thing, or perhaps it's closer to a bio-feedback type of thing.

    I also like podcasts, and I've a number of wellbeing focused ones in my feed, including one covering 'non sleep deep rest', which is apparently optimal living daily yoga nidra.
    Or perhaps just a bit of distraction might be helpful from a podcast or audiobook with another theme (or just a favourite TV program, but try not to overdo it and spend too much time as a couch potato, if you can help it).

    The natural world, if it's available to you, could also be another route you might chose.  I've talked in other posts about how phytoncides -essential oils from trees, in short- literally strengthen your immune system (search 'forest bathing' online).
    If you don't have a forest or park nearby, some research has shown that even viewing images of trees can calm the nervous system.  If you haven't got photos of holidays in nature you can look back at, maybe just do some web browsing on a daily basis (but do try to avoid too much screen time).

    Moving meditation can be helpful -- mindfulness walks are popular now, but if that's not your thing then perhaps some at home tai chi, via an online tutorial, might be more like it.  Tai chi walking is being touted as a good route to getting fit online lately (but I can't really speak to that as I've not tried it).

    Are any of the above a magic bullet?  No, sorry.  But maybe just think of them as tools in a weathering-the-storm toolbox, and try them out to see what works for you.

    And please see below for that list of resources I promised (past blog posts, podcasts, websites and a few YouTube channels).

Take good care, and hang in there if you're weathering a storm too.

'Resources' -- past blog posts:
~ https://portraitofperpetualperplexity.blogspot.com/2020/06/apps-for-spirituality-and-self-care.html
~ https://portraitofperpetualperplexity.blogspot.com/2020/07/fork-theory.html
~ https://portraitofperpetualperplexity.blogspot.com/2020/07/optimism.html
~ https://portraitofperpetualperplexity.blogspot.com/2020/08/searching-for-cure-all.html
~ https://portraitofperpetualperplexity.blogspot.com/2022/01/alphabet-blogging-and-apps-ii.html
~ https://portraitofperpetualperplexity.blogspot.com/2023/09/research-your-therapy-type.html (this one contains quite a long list of other websites and resources I compiled previously, so I do recommend clicking into it and scrolling to the end)

Resources - podcasts
~ Hypno Wellness, from Cindy Brainerd
~ Neuro Zen, from 'Neuro Zen Institute'
~ White Lotus Reiki, from Chris Brember
~ Get Well With Me, from Adrianne Hart
~ Desert Voices, from Shaleen Kendrick
~ Wellness for the Hot Mess, from Kristen McGrath and Lexi Rodriguez
~ Affirmations for Spiritual Health and Wellbeing, from Affirmations by Christina
~ Self Care is Sexy, from Kris Braylin
~ as mentioned above, Non Sleep Deep Rest, Optimal Living Daily Yoga Nidra
(I use AntennaPod podcast app, it's free on Android)

Resources -- websites (UK):
~ https://www.thecalmzone.net/ (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
~ https://www.mind.org.uk/
~ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/
~ https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/your-mental-health
~ https://www.samaritans.org/
~ https://giveusashout.org/ -- 'Shout' helpline, text 'shout' to 85258
~ We are Rethink Mental Illness
Also, as mentioned above, my past post
https://portraitofperpetualperplexity.blogspot.com/2023/09/research-your-therapy-type.html contains quite a long list of other websites and resources I compiled previously, so I really do recommend clicking into it and scrolling to the end for that list

Resources -- YouTube:
~ www.youtube.com/@jasonstephensonmeditation and www.youtube.com/@TheAwakenedMind
~ https://www.youtube.com/c/SimpleHappyZen
~ www.youtube.com/@TherapyinaNutshell

[See part 2 of this blog in due course for the review of the online course.]

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Resilience vs friction

Part 1

    I'm doing an online course on coping with stress, and there's a section on resilience.

    For the purposes of doing a sort of a review*, the course has this to say about resilience:

    "Resilience is the capacity to face, overcome, and even be strengthened by difficult experiences. It doesn’t mean being immune to stress, sadness or suffering. It is about coping, recovering, and finding a way to grow and develop positively despite the problems we encounter.

    Everyone has some degree of resilience. To recognise this, we only have to think back to all we’ve been through in our lives and remember the times when we felt overwhelmed by the struggle to keep going"

    Speaking as someone who's currently going through a whole heap of suffering, problems and tough times right now, this triggered a different thought in me.

    It made me think of friction, and how this force can erode even the toughest structures over time.

    The related image in my mind was of a staircase.  And how each step descends further and further.  My current experience is that life has been wearing me down -or forcing me down the stairs, several at time- for some while, now.

    I've been trying to resist the effects of friction, or to strive to linger on a half-way step as best I can.  But the effort is both exhausting and pretty futile.

    This may sound pessimistic on the face of it.  But it led on to another, more inspiring train of thought.

    If we want to come back from problems and tough times stronger -or, in other words, to aim for post-traumatic growth- then we need to find a way to counteract the effects of friction.

    We can't realistically expect to stop it.  There's always going to be something in life that pushes us down.  So perhaps the answer is reclamation.

    Weather the storm -by whatever means necessary- and then make plans to rebuild.

    Recognize that erosion -of energy levels, of confidence, even of sense of self perhaps- has taken place -- and that now it's time to invest in yourself.

    'Contract out' if necessary -- in fact I'd suggest that's a sensible approach.  Let friends and loved ones help you with landscaping your new environment.  Or -when ready- seek out some new experiences and make new acquaintances. 

    No-one is an island, but you could draw up plans to become a lovely park.

    Just like climbing a staircase, it's going to take a bit of time and some effort.  And it won't necessarily prevent future erosion.  But there's no sense waiting around in a depleted state for life's next challenge. You don't want to risk that challenge coming before your resilience-o-meter has had chance to refill.

    Doing something constructive could provide just the sense of accomplishment you need.  And what's more it will counteract feelings of helplessness.

    I'm not gong to say reinvent yourself.  But do prioritize yourself.  Take the time to walk in the park -- literally and figuratively.

[*See part 2 of this blog for the review of the course.]

Cookies/data

European Union laws require that EU visitors be given information about cookies used and data collected on this blog.  Google/Blogger have added a notice on this blog to explain Google's use of certain Blogger and Google cookies, including use of Google Analytics and AdSense cookies, and other data collected by Google.  If this notice does not display and you are in the EU, please will you notify me in the comments section.  Many thanks.